REAL WORLD: “The Sun” newspaper in 1987 revealed that a former lover of Freddie Mercury had died of AIDS. It was Paul Prenter, the artist’s former manager, who sold the information. He died for AIDS too, a few months before Freddie.
FANTASY: only a few weeks have passed since her wedding and Sharon counts the days before giving birth; meanwhile she reads a tabloid newspaper discovering that her true great love may have AIDS and, from the little information she knows about this disease, she realizes both her and the baby could be at risk as well…
1987, Sharon: the prison
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.” Singing this refrain, I walked back and forth through the living room, caressing my belly; it was only a matter of days before I would give birth, and my little baby girl was my only reason for living because this house had become a prison from which I was only allowed to leave if my husband had no vodka left in the fridge.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…” Even the mysterious voice, my guardian angel, echoed me when I sang, and I felt as if they were dedicating it to me, just like my great rock star love had done after our magical night when we conceived my little girl.
I was forbidden to read, listen to music, or make friends because I had become just Vladimir’s servant, sleeping in his bed without receiving any attention from him except being kicked to wake me up each morning.
No matter how tired or heavy pregnancy made me feel, I still had to bring him breakfast in bed, possibly along with a glass of vodka, one of many that would accompany him until evening.
Then, around ten o’clock, his nephew usually came by to deliver newspapers, but I was never allowed to meet him. I had only seen him in passing once; he was a handsome guy about my age, and when his uncle greeted him, I learned his name was Bogdan.
If something was forbidden to me, I became more curious about it, so one morning I crouched behind the door while Vladimir argued with his nephew. I understood little Russian, but I sensed that the guy hated how his uncle treated both him and me. “Your baby needs a family,” my father’s words echoed once again in my mind. “You conceived her with a bastard who only thinks about music; he probably sleeps with men and is drugged, I bet…” Maybe, but what about Vladimir’s addiction to alcohol?
“Every family has its conflicts,” I thought, taking a step toward the door. I had to know if my suspicions were real.
There was only a fleeting glance between us, but I sensed that Bogdan’s eyes wanted to speak to my heart. Or perhaps it was the memory of my idol coming back to me. The only one who still listened to me was my mysterious, invisible friend.
“My heart is almost bursting,” I told them. “I’ve never seen you or known who you are, and yet I can’t live without you anymore.”
“Yes, I know. It’s a mutual feeling. So what? I’m busy right now…”
Maybe I really was going crazy, falling in love with a creature who existed only in my imagination!
“You’ve tired me, Sharon,” the voice replied, no longer in its usual soothing tone, as though it had lost patience for some unknown reason.
“I protect you and your little girl, but what do you do for me? Nothing. I’ve had enough of waiting, you know?”
I touched my belly, counting the days. “Two weeks until she comes into this world, if that’s what you mean…”
They said nothing more. The voice seemed to vanish, just as it had before my wedding last week. “I must be losing my mind,” I whispered, my eyes downcast. “I’m alone; no one cares about me… I just want to feel loved.” Still, there was no sign of my mysterious friend, so I resigned myself to eating a piece of fruit and lying down on the couch.
In a low voice, I kept singing my usual refrain, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” and I felt my baby kicking from within, perhaps hearing my lullaby.
Within minutes, silence settled over the house, broken only by Vladimir’s snoring from the bedroom.
No guardian angel came to greet me, so I closed my eyes. But just as sleep was about to claim me, I heard someone unlocking the door.
“Can I come in?” I couldn’t believe my eyes, there was Bogdan! Vladimir’s nephew was speaking to me! I shook my head, shrugged, and quickly looked around. He was really there, slowly walking closer to me.
“Your uncle is asleep,” I whispered, and he glanced at the closed bedroom door as if afraid of being caught.
“Shaz, I brought you this,” he said, holding up a tabloid newspaper and sitting next to me on the couch. It had been so long since I’d read casual celebrity stories; it felt almost like a breath of fresh air after days in this prison.
“I thought you might be interested,” he said, handing me the paper. “But… maybe you should brace yourself.”
“What’s the matter?” I asked, feeling my heart begin to pound. His voice conveyed an inexplicable fear.
Bogdan hesitated, staring at the cover, then handed me the magazine. My hands trembled as I flipped through it until my gaze locked on a few words that terrified me: homosexuality, former boyfriend deceased, AIDS.
The magazine fell from my hands. My beloved’s name was there, unmistakable, linked to that tragic story. I gripped my belly and bit my lip, unable to utter a single sound.
My friends and I from Bugdom had each been with him; and now? What would happen to me and my little girl? No, we couldn’t all be infected! All of us were adults, but my little girl couldn’t pay for my mistakes!
Bogdan picked up the magazine, visibly shaken by the same news. “Well, Shaz, if I were you, I wouldn’t panic. Who knows if it’s even true! Remember, tabloids often print nonsense! But… I have something else to warn you about…”
“I don’t… I don’t understand…” The knot in my throat made it hard to form a complete sentence. “What are you trying to say? What do you want from me…”
He looked into my eyes, gentle yet intense. “Uncle Vlad told me you talk to yourself at night. Is that true?”
One, two, three, breathe. I practiced the method I had learned to help me avoid acting impulsively in difficult moments. Four, five, breathe… My troubled expression must have given me away because Bogdan nodded, serious. “Oh, yeah? Things are like that? Interesting!”
I leaned my head on the armrest of the sofa, the only way to escape his piercing gaze. “I’m a pregnant woman talking to my baby! Does that seem strange to you?”
He cleared his throat and shook his head, tapping on the newspaper. “That’s not what I meant! Uncle said you hear a voice, late at night. Someone invisible that you seem close to. Vladimir told me you go to the bathroom sulking and come out smiling… You’re playing with fire, girl. I’m warning you.”
I bit my lip even harder, struck by his words. “Bogdan! What… I don’t understand what you mean…” When I lived in Bugdom, my father would sometimes share stories of an old uncle who had been committed for hearing voices, and if the same issue affected me, perhaps I would harm my little girl, too. My idol might have given me AIDS, or madness might run in my family. What was the lesser of two evils?
“I want to be your friend,” Bogdan whispered in my ear. “If the being you’re talking to is who I think it is, they’re evil. Don’t give them any attention at all!”
He could shatter all my certainties with just one word. But before I could reply, my invisible friend’s voice spoke louder and clearer than ever.
“Forget that human, Sunshine. He’s negative and cannot understand. You, me, and the little girl live symbiotically, and no one will hurt us. I promise.”
I stood up, moving away from Bogdan, my hands clasped on my belly. Something inexplicable made me feel distant from the guy I’d considered almost a friend just minutes before.
“Look,” he said, heading toward the door. “I came here to warn you of a danger, but it’s your choice. Life is yours.”
Without another word, Bogdan closed the door behind him, leaving me alone on the couch. The newspaper lay open on my lap, and I stared down at it, focusing only on my great love’s picture. My idol — the man who once called me “Sunshine” — was hugging a visibly sick man.
“Sunshine, don’t be afraid of me; I’m here to protect you!” There it was again, my guardian angel’s voice, more caring than ever.
“I realize you’re not human,” I said, feeling calmer. “And not a ghost, either. But why do you dislike Bogdan so much?”
“Sunshine, Sunshine, little Sunshine,” the creature replied with a mischievous giggle. “I am the only one who truly cares about you and our little girl. The only one who can save your life in case of imminent danger…”
“If you really love me, then go away!” I couldn’t take it anymore. My eyes closed in confusion and fear.
“Listen, my dear. The symbiosis between me and you humans is for life, and with your own efforts, you are all unable to defeat me.”
Realization struck, and I felt as if I were drowning in despair. All those stories my father told about my mad uncle… I, too, was hearing voices! Tears began to fall, hot and uncontrollable, dropping onto the newspaper right over the picture of my idol’s alleged lover.
“Sunshine dear, it’s hard for me too! When I arrived, I immediately had to share your body and love with that little girl. She and I were born together…”
“WHO ARE YOU?” I shouted, feeling a surge of desperation. “TELL ME NOW! I don’t want a daughter destined to suffer like me!”
“She won’t suffer,” they answered calmly. “Because I accompanied your idol’s seed into your egg, and now I am growing with your little baby girl.”
I felt a chill down my spine. Who or what could pass from a man to a woman, besides a seed? Why would an angel speak like that? The only explanation that came to mind was unsettling.
“Tell me who you are… please, at least let me give you a name. Maybe I sense it, but I want to hear it from you.”
“As long as, starting tonight, you don’t sleep in bed with negative Vladimir anymore. Do you hear me?”
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