PlusBrothers Poz World

When a blog starts getting noticed, sooner or later someone comes knocking for an interview. That's good news for both the interviewer and the interviewee. But both sides need to play by the rules.

Posted in: #fediblog, #personal

Out of the blue

Back in the early days of our blog, someone reached out to us through our Facebook page, back when we still had one.

“Interview request for a personal blog,” and our first reaction was: why not? Bloggers, seasoned or not, tend to look out for each other. We might even interview you in return and publish it.

A few emails back and forth, and then we politely set some ground rules: send the questions to this address, and we'll decide together whether and how to answer them. Until you hear back from us, though, please don't schedule any post. Thanks.

Questions we received

The questions finally arrived. We won't publish them, because airing material that was sent privately, without formal permission, is not only deeply disrespectful but also against the law. Still, we'd like to give you the gist.

“How did you meet?” That's the bare minimum for an interview. How else are you supposed to introduce yourself to another blogger, if not with a bit of backstory?

“Do you live close to each other or far apart? Do you see each other in person?” Right, this is where our guard starts going up: our private life is our own business, and for this website's purposes, whether or not we meet face to face is pretty much irrelevant.

“How have you dealt with each other's problems?” The fact that one of us is blind and HIV negative, and the other is sighted and HIV positive, is not something we've ever hidden. But while we talk about it openly in real life, in this particular space we would rather not have brought it up.

Apart from the fact that there are virtually no images here, we'd have no reason to broadcast the sensory condition of the person who came up with this project in the first place. The other author's HIV status, on the other hand, is still a defining factor, because he experiences HIV stigma firsthand.

“How does a person without sight deal with HIV, and vice versa?” This one could actually have been an interesting question, a way to show how stereotypes and stigma hurt everyone, whatever condition you're living with, directly or not.

But the point still stands: we're not a white cane and a virus on legs. We're two amateur writers, and if the plan is to devote an entire chapter to disability and assorted illnesses, thanks, but no thanks. We don't do pity, not offline and not online.

“What's it like being friends as a gay man and a straight woman?” And here, if that's even possible, the bar drops even lower: what do you think it's like? Spoiler: we've never given it a second thought, because we've always treated each other with respect.

We held our tongues, but we had a comeback ready: “If a man and a dog can form the deepest of friendships, why on earth shouldn't two humans?”

“Have you ever fallen in love with each other? Maybe the HIV-based bond between your characters is a way to make up for an unrequited love that's eating you up inside?”

We were too polite to say it in private, but this is our house, so here goes: go take a crap!

A good bowel movement does wonders for your health, guaranteed. We have absolutely nothing to declare on the matter, because if you think there's some dream or void of ours hiding behind a few works of fiction, the one with something pent up is you.

Writing can help people work through pain in certain circumstances, no question about it. But unrequited love is NOT our story, so if you need to relieve yourself, the bathroom is down the hall on the right. And please, flush when you're done!

Turn off the light and leave the window open to let some air in. Everybody's poop stinks. Thanks.

The comeback

However blunt, and at times downright rude, we may be on our own turf towards people or situations we don't care for, when we deal with the public, courtesy is non-negotiable. This time was no exception: we replied with a simple “No, thank you, we're not interested in that kind of narrative.”

The comeback was swift: according to our would-be interviewer, the tearjerker angle is the most loved and most clicked-on narrative on social media, so going along with it “just this once” would have benefited us too, if the interview went viral.

Exactly: IF. Because that's far from a given!

That kind of narrative is fine if the interviewer is after visibility at any cost. We, on the other hand, want readers to grow attached to our characters rather than to us, and the only way to rise to that challenge is to show up every day and keep getting better, without falling for the cheap allure of the fleeting world of social media.

It's all too easy to outrage people, tug at their heartstrings or make them laugh with emotionally charged stories. But just like in our real lives, nothing has ever been handed to us on a silver platter, and every time someone appreciates our work, it feels earned. Quality over quantity.

We partly agree with the point about adapting. You can't always show up exactly as you'd like. An athlete who dresses up for a wedding might feel out of place, but once the party's over, that's the end of it. Bending to a toxic narrative to stroke a stranger's ego, however, could tarnish our reputation for good. The internet never forgets, and what people love about you today could come back to bite you tomorrow.

It wouldn't have cost us much to make up a story; we'd just have sent out one of our many creations. We even had the title ready: “A Viral Story.” And it would surely have been a hit: the gay HIV-positive guy meets the straight, HIV-negative blind girl and falls for her, and she loves him back, complete with her saying “you're the light of my life” and him saying “you're my cure,” all topped off with little hearts and a built-in marriage proposal, flowers, hugs, tears, the whole nine yards. And if we ever did write a story like that, it would come with a price tag, say 5 euro cents a word (in which case we'd make it as long as humanly possible).

But that's just not our style. We want to stay true to ourselves, even knowing that the world at large has no idea who we are. Oh well. But if someone wants to interview us, it's on our terms or not at all. Good fences make good neighbors.